So much to say...

I haven't posted in soooo long! Partly because not many are reading, but mostly because I don't know what to say! There is so much that has been going on in my life and soon I will be able to share more about it. But basically I have been loving the Lord and getting to know Chris! There have been so many amazing things that have happened with him but writing them on here feels like it would take away the excitement of it. So many private moments and words shared between us that would take away from the relationship that was building during those time if I shared them with the world. So...I really don't have much to say. Not sure if I will keep writing on here. I honestly don't really see the point for the time being since I am not going to the Philippines. It might make more since if I go to Egypt later this year...but we shall see!

Just a thought...

I was thinking about the quote a lot of people use these days that I myself have said many times in the past. "If something is boring it probably isn't of God". I robotic-ally used to say all the time, especially to non-believers who would say Christianity is boring. But this quote isn't true! There are a lot of things that God is very much involved in that isn't entertaining and what I would say is boring. Like the Israelites who wandered around in a desert doing nothing for years...that sounds horrifically BORING!! But that was ALL God. It was their grumbling that made them have to wait so long but if at any point they had stopped and said, "WAit a minute...this is boring and God isn't involved in boring therefore this must be Satan tricking us so we should go somewhere else and stop all this waiting!" then God would have never been able to send them to their promised land! And what about work...I am sorry but almost all of my jobs have been incredibly boring!!! So should I have quit because God must not have been involved? I realize that the context this phrase is usually pointing to is about sermons, teachings, or prayer but that doesn't work either. God doesn't exist to entertain us. I have heard some sermons that are very boring but they were so good! So full of truth and wisdom. And prayer, to be honest is usually super boring to me! I am constantly disciplining my mind to focus and not fall asleep especially in group prayer. I am not one who gets excited to pray but it is always so so so good! There are plenty of things that we do that aren't thrilling but are so good and give glory to God! Being bored is a discomfort and Jesus didn't die to make us comfortable! And this isn't to say that God is boring! HA! Oh goodness...he is so not boring! We will spend eternity getting to know all the facets of him! Anything that is entertaining on this earth only is because God created it to be exciting!

So yeah...its just a thought!

The big news!

So the big news that I have dying to tell everyone is that I am in a courtship! January 17th, Chris Arbaugh asked me to court him. He is one of the most amazing godly men I have ever met! I am very excited and beyond blessed by this relationship. The craziest thing is realizes how much God loves me! After laying down the "rights" to a future marriage soooooo many times, it is so beautiful to see the fruit of it all. So that's the mini story! I don't really want to blog about it too much because I would rather live it.


In other news I am thinking about taking the classes and steps to become a doula. I am still praying about it but the class is in March...so we shall see!

Transparency

Okay, so I am in a huge mountain top experience right now. Remember the changes I was telling you about that I can't tell you about yet, well they are amazing and I am so incredibly blessed! Jesus is ravishing my heart even more and it is so beautiful! But I need to expose Satan's lies that are being feed to me a lot lately. He keeps telling my that I am not worthy, and that it is all going to end. He is trying to provoke fear in me, to make me hold onto this high and do all I can to not lose it. The truth is... I am not worthy! And one day it will all end whether it be sooner and many years down the road. But that's okay because my hope, my life, my love is not found in this experience. It is only found in Jesus. And when it is all taken from me it won't matter because Jesus will be there! Satan is trying to get me to make this an idol, but I can't because that would mean forsaking my savior! So I will continue to expose satan's lies and believe in God's truth! I surrender my life and all of the blessings GLADLY for my King!

Jesus is AMAZING!!!

In case you haven't figured it out yet...I am in love...with Jesus!!! I just am in so much shock at how much he loves and blesses me! I deserve Hell...that's it! That is all that I should receive my entire life. That is what I am entitled to is eternal torment and pain... but instead Jesus gave me life! Eternal life with Jesus forever and ever! And I so don't deserve it. Wow, AND he not only gave me that but he blesses me in my life so incredibly much! I mean it would take years to say all the things he has given me that I don't deserve because EVERYTHING I have been given I don't deserve! I love him! And not because I can..in fact I can't love him not on my own. I didn't love him I killed him. It was my sin that held him on that cross. No, its not because of me...it's because of him. This love story is because He, being a magnificent King great in might and power humbled himself for me and became a man. Then laid his life down for me to show his love..to win my love! And boy did he! I love him with everything! I will lay my life down for him! I will give him my all! There is no price to great, no sacrifice too costly! This is true love! The real kind! And I get to be in it!

I was right...

I was right about the changes coming! I had an idea about one aspect but turns out God completely surprised me with this one! Can't really share at this moment but its exciting!


One thing I can say is I dont know if I will be going to the Philippines anymore regardless of whether I get accepted or not. At least not this year. I have felt God taking it away for a while now and I have been totally at peace about it. Yes I am sad because I really wanted to go but I know that God has my future in His hands and I trust Him with it. Its funny though because two people have told me they felt the same way...that I wouldn't actually be going. It is still not for sure that I won't! Maybe He is just asking me to surrender it. I don't know but I trust Him! And I am very very excited!!!! So stayed tuned for where He leads me next!!

Waves of Change...

I feel the waves of change coming. I am not quite sure what but I have an idea and while it isn't what I would have planned I know that it is God's hand at work here and that excites me no matter what the change will be! Bring it on!